Women in Medicine Month: Your Words Have the Power to Reframe Expectations

Shannon Ramsey Jimenez, DO, FACOFP, HPF
Dean, Arkansas College of Osteopathic Medicine

There was a perfume commercial that was popular in the seventies. It featured a song that went, “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, and never, never let you forget you are a man. ‘Cause I’m a Woman.”

This song became a symbol of the burgeoning feminist movement at the time. The movement encouraged women to pursue full-time careers, take care of their children and homes and always be ready for their husbands. This mindset persists for many women even today. However, it established unrealistic expectations for working women everywhere. We are hardworking, dedicated and compassionate, but we are not machines.

I encountered this issue frequently in my office as a family physician. I often spoke to middle-aged working moms who felt disappointed in themselves and experienced depression and anxiety because they couldn't seem to do everything. They would compare themselves to moms they saw online who appeared to have it all together. But let's face it, most of the "perfect life" we see online is staged. I consistently emphasized to women that these unrealistic expectations only harm us by making us feel inadequate.

We tend to compare ourselves to others and listen to that internal voice that tells us we are not perfect, not good enough, failing as mothers or wives, etc. I used to despise that voice. I was constantly frustrated and bitter. I held incredibly high expectations for myself and everyone else—expectations that were too high and completely unattainable. The voice in my head was critical of me and anyone who disappointed me. Eventually, I realized that I had become bitter and angry, and I didn't like people very much. They didn't like me much either. After this realization, I decided to change.

If you want to change how others react to you, you must first change yourself. So, when I felt frustrated, instead of letting my inner voice say things like "people are frustrating," I started telling myself, "I love people." Sometimes it sounded forced or insincere at first, but over time I genuinely began to feel love for people. My words, both spoken and unspoken, brought about a change of heart. I often wonder if this is what the Bible means when it says that our words have the power of life and death. Words are powerful, not only the ones we say out loud but also the ones in our minds.

Therefore, use your words to uplift others, but don't forget to use them to uplift yourself as well.

You are strong and powerful, possessing numerous unique and amazing skills. Don't be afraid to use them and use them for good.

As osteopathic physicians, we do what we do not to be ordinary but to be extraordinary and make a real difference in the world, using our words—words of support, words of compassion, words of intelligence and so much more.