Pride and Perseverance: On Visibility in Medicine

By Danielle C. Thor, DO, MAUB
Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine – New York ‘23
Resident Physician in Internal Medicine at Jefferson Health – New Jersey
Incoming Bone Marrow Transplant/Cellular Therapy Fellow at Fox Chase Cancer Center

Three years ago, I entered my internal medicine residency with a relatively sure version of myself. I knew the rigors of graduate medical education would fundamentally change me as a physician, but I still marvel at the opportunities it has presented me to reevaluate my queer identity. 

Day one of residency I made a point to swap out my hospital-issued badge reel for something more fitting: the progress pride flag. A Philadelphia-area creation now ubiquitous with the greater modern LGBTQIA+ community, it served as an obvious symbol of both who I am and who I hope to be for my patients.  And within weeks of donning it, I found it already catching the eyes of the right audience.

Early in my intern year, I admitted an older patient who, in classic fashion, referred to their life partner as their “roommate.” I recognized this defense immediately, as I had relied on it years ago while still navigating the depths of my own sexuality.  I made space the best way I knew how, by pointing at my badge reel and letting them know that I was queer myself. The conversation shifted, and I found both of us tearing up ever so slightly while relishing our shared safety.

That moment and the relief it provided sat with me for weeks. Despite the chaos of intern year, I thought I could rely on subtle opportunities like this to be present for my community. Given the constant patient exposure and generally LGBTQIA+-friendly environment in which I was serving, I assumed residency would continue to provide more of these encounters. However, like many assumptions one makes as a young physician, that turned out to be incomplete. 

Over the years, the shifts many of us have grown accustomed to in our political systems began to permeate my clinical world. I found myself building rapport with my patients who would also put their beliefs on display through now-familiar red hats. Despite the badge reel, these patients felt comfortable enough with me as their physician to share disparaging homophobic beliefs. And with this openness comes a quiet pressure to receive them graciously, to prioritize the comfort of the encounter over the integrity of who I am. I smile carefully, redirect where I can, and carry the weight of that interaction for the remainder of the day.

These encounters became increasingly frequent as residency progressed. And as uncomfortable as they may be, they are strangely complimentary; these patients feel comfortable enough to share their beliefs with me despite the seemingly obvious contradictions. They still believe in my ability to hold space for them and take them seriously as a physician, whether they recognize my own cognitive dissonance or not.

The modern climate has made it all too easy for queer folks to shy away from the spotlight, to ride this era out and hope for better days ahead. But I argue it matters now more than ever to stand in our conviction and carry ourselves with the same pride that has carried us through decades of ebbs and flows in our shared struggle for progress. To serve as that safe space for those who need it and as an ever-present force for those who need to see it.

Pride this year means resisting that pressure as a testament to and in protection of our oath. Resistance comes through perseverance; to continue to show up and show out, regardless of how we do or do not identify with the LGBTQIA+ community.  The queer or allied physician who insists on staying visible will help protect their patients in the short term while driving the steady change needed over the long term. They continue to see their patients in the context of their lives while providing the holistic care referenced in the tenets of osteopathic medicine.

As I reach the end of my residency, I consider myself deeply fortunate to have not only found myself at a program that respects my integrity as a proud lesbian physician, but one that has challenged my own understanding of my queerness and the queerness of others. And as we continue our Pride Month celebrations, I challenge our greater medical community to stay persistent and proud of the joys we still have now and all the good that is to come. Keep your badge reels on and don’t shy away from what needs to be done.